Learning to forgive and accept with the use of self awareness and mindful

__________J.J. Thiret__________ So the once that knew you prior to this evolution in uh that you've been going through toward uh self-awareness and, have people made any comments like, wow! You know James you seem really different or you seem calmer or what's different about you? __________James Williams__________ Right, I-have a, I have a friend a close friend Mary who is a life coach as well we-we study together and so we've had talks about various things in-in our lives of the past you know, 4 years and Mary has said to me on several occasions she said, cause she-she is probably one of people who knows me closest, and you know Mary said James I've really seen change and you know I'm just impressed with what you've done and how you've been consistent with it, so that's just her view I feel that change as well and you know it's a blessing to see some other persons perspective on that. __________J.J. Thiret__________ Oh yeah, well I was I guess I was thinking more in terms of people back in the U.K. you know. __________James Williams__________ Ah, you know, yeah you know it's-it's funny because the-the first time I went back there was last May 2012 my momma past away and so I, you know I-I took some journey that I need this to make and I reconnect with my family my relationships with them felt different it felt more open more relax. J.J. Thiret: Hmm James Williams: I didn't get any specific feedback from them but maybe because it's been 10-12 years since they've seen me. __________J.J. Thiret__________ And they forgot. Hmm __________James Williams__________ Who knows, who knows it could have been a long time since I'm somewhere it would've been 30 years um, thought among for me and then for them so uh I think the people who have seen me the closest to see the most change, uh because they've been part of the process some of them have helped me __________J.J. Thiret__________ When it came to you person, personal level was it um just a shyness or did you have um issues with anger and then you're able to kind of be the conscious observer or was it uh fear stuff. __________James Williams__________ All of the above (giggles) __________J.J. Thiret__________ (giggles) __________James Williams__________ all of the above you know the part of it was um related to you know my-my-my upbringing and that um my parents relationship was kind of unsettled and so there were times where the unpleasant, it was more pleasant for me to kind of be myself um and so uh you know if I were around you know others who arguing for example then that was quite stressful for me and so being by myself encouraged me to be more introverted, um and so I guess based on that and perhaps not hearing certain things from my parents needs that I may have had then you know maybe I didn't feel deep comfort about myself and there was certainly anger towards my father for example at that time [?] kind of transcended on our relationship is-is the best now that's ever been um. __________J.J. Thiret__________ Brilliant __________James Williams__________ Yeah, two years ago [?] I decided to-to challenge him on some of things that happened when I was a child and growing up and-and it appeared he didn't want to talk to me and that's his choice you know I understand that was the consequence of what I did however you know now we are, we are really are closer that we've been before and in a big way, and in genuine way. __________J.J. Thiret__________ Hmm. __________James Williams__________ That's the key thing you know you can, you can talk about the surface thing J.J. how's the weather you know what have you've been doing and that sort of stuff but when you talk about more meaningful things with your parents then um certainly and it was like I can now with my dad then uh I feel that reflects a certain shifts in our relationship. __________J.J. Thiret__________ Yeah that's quite interesting and-and sometimes do you think when it comes to um, like with your father or whatever when you brought back up the past and you did the confrontation, um that, there had to be some sort of forgiveness not for him but for you. James Williams: Yeah, you know I think part of you right, part of the forgiveness process was the acceptance for me I think the acceptance and the forgiveness were kinda wrapped up in one um, until it was to real, I know I saw a timeline almost of-of what had led to me choosing to be you know unconsciously absorbing their behaviors and then acting them out and helped various relationships um, and then, and then just I didn't know I think chan- when I was able to change the belief and also to tune in to the emotions and kind of you know freedom almost from it from the unconscious mind thern wasn't the-the resempment or the anger um which you know enabled me to accept things more and to be able forgive and just move on