______Petrea King____ it's the values, the beliefs, the um, bit you hold it in your mind that are significantly impacting on how you interact with the world, and if you grew up with a pattern you know, believing that might value lies in what I do than who I be, then of course that person is always going to have to be doing in order to validate their existence. And so, this, the beliefs, first, first comes the warranty in the childhood whether we felt misunderstood, we felt responsible, we felt overwhelmed, we felt not good enough, we felt disappointment to our parents, so we have this feeling that comes first and then we build a belief to explain to ourselves why we feel that way. It's because I'm not as good as everybody else, it's because she can't trust people she can't trust life, I have to be first, I have to be on top, so we, create these beliefs to explain to ourselves why we feel that way, and then we force those beliefs on to life, and then when life doesn't match those beliefs, we suffer. And of course those beliefs too are held in our language, we say words like "I can't" "try" "not" "never" "if only" "impossible" um these are the words that hook us back into the beliefs. So when we say, "I can't in public" we really speaking from the traumatized younger person, reveals very self-conscious and doesn't have some self-esteem. And if we just change the language so that we say, "I choose not to speak in public" or "I choose to speak in public" if I, if I change the language form "I can" to "I choose" or "I choose not to" then we are speaking as the adult , we're speaking as the more powerful um, aware person that says "I choose not to speak in public because I have this history perhaps of trauma in my childhood that makes it very difficult for me to be able to put myself into that situation" or "I choose to speak in public and therefore what supports will I need to pull in, so that I can do a really good job of that, um, so that I don't revert to feeling like I'm a little kid"