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It is essential that you deal with your baggage first

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So healthy relationships are something that I think that probably we all strive for. Well, it's an intimate relationship with a partner or relationship with our children or siblings, parents, co-workers, and friends. Some of the secrets of a healthy relationship can be related to dealing with your baggage. And baggage means the emotions that you suppressed and yet to deal with. Because what happens is that when we don't deal with stuff, it comes back and we re-experienced it when [something triggers] are experienced in out the life. So let's say for example now that apparently you should tell us to shut up, for example. If we kind of did shut up and we kind of submissive then inside, you know, we may feel angry about that. If we don't express our emotions then those feelings and those thoughts, and those sensory experience like what we see, hear, feel, smell, and touch. Those will record in together in our unconscious mind. So, you know, all the sensory information the faults and feelings stored, think of those in memory. And until the emotional path is processed, until the faults are kind of re-written (I guess that's what one way to call that). Then everytime someone tells you to shut up then you're going to get very angry. Because in that moment, you're going to connect with the first experience of being told to shut up. When you held it inside and when you were quiet and you just decided to stay zipped as we're saying in Britain. And of course you also remember the feelings associated with every subs con time that you were told to shut up and didn't deal with it. So what happens everytime is that we accumulate multiple stresses when we don't deal with our emotions. And what happens is that then other people in our lives, especially people we care about might sometimes engaged in those behaviors. And they push our buttons so to speak. And when our buttons pushed then we jump out of the box like a jack in the box. We make it angry, we make it sad, we make it withdrawn depending on how we responded in each of those experiences in the past. So it's very important that we deal with our baggage because when we deal with our baggage we can communicate more clearly with our partners. We're less likely to get to pushed that buttons and to push that towards anger. Because the more we get angry then we say things that we didn't mean or we'd rather not say. And sometimes we may actually say what we mean but we may not say in a way that's most loving. Set the first thing is deal with your baggage. There's various ways to do that and nothing else definitely going to be [content of another video]. Second up, it's very important to ask your partner what their needs are and to also specify what your needs are. So for example, we all have different needs, needs for food, water, sleep, sex, you have needs for intellectual stimulation for loving belongings, for appreciation of beauty in various ways, to fulfill our life purpose and also to grow as individuals and also in a relationships. Half our needs are not met either by ourselves or other people for this [inaudible] then we could feel uncomfortable about that. And that can affect our relationship. So our needs are not being met, it is important that we say that and that we say that we have our need and that we share with other people and ask them if they can help to meet the need and we ask without sense of expectation. One way to do this is to use the four steps of something called non-violent communication which you say useful tool to build ask for things you need. However, the non-violent communication be most effective, it is essential that you deal with your baggage first because otherwise, saying to someone 'I need to you keep the house clean because I work long hours and I would appreciate if the house looks beautiful.' You can say that in a way when you are calm and it comes across to the other person's completely different when you say when you are angry. And so it's the anger from the past experiences if the house been untidy and when you've not told your partner that it's something that you need. That really can kind of cause you to speak in an unloving way to someone. And you know, that means that you cause them to perhaps a long unpleasant memory into not saying anything and not to process that feelings. So in relationship, ask for what your needs are. And also be prepared that someone might say they can't make it but someone else could. And also ask your partner what their needs are and do what you can to meet these needs on a daily basis even if it's small things. And also then you have to deal with your baggage. Get support, talk about things so that you can [unfinished video].

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